As military spouses we have to deal with a lot. One of those things being the assumptions people have about us just because of the title we hold.
While talking with some of my military spouse friends, between the few of us came up with a laundry list of labels and assumptions that are aimed our way.
1: You’re lazy and you don’t want work
All they see is a spouse at home OR a mom staying home to raise the kids. What’s not seen is the struggle to find work that is commensurate with your experience, or the fact that daycare would totally wipe out your paycheck. Nor do they see that maybe the couple agreed to keep their children at home with a parent, because of their values and priorities.
No. You’re just a lazy mooch.
2: You’re Uneducated
The assumption of being uneducated is especially made about spouses married to military members of lower rank. In general, the stigma is that they don’t have education or aspirations. They latched on early to their dream of marrying the military and living the lavish life.
The truth is that WE ARE EDUCATED! We just have to get creative with obtaining those degrees and/or experience because of the fact that we move frequently and have to quickly adapt.
3: You’re Entitled
An attempt was actually made to justify this idea. Someone told me the story of a Colonel’s wife who had to be checked. She was using her husband’s rank to throw her weight around. My response to this? “She was wrong for doing that. But I’m not her.”
4: You’re only here for the benefits
I am! The benefit of being with someone I love, who is my best friend, a great father, an awesome provider, an organized planner, an excellent supporter and a ROCK for his family. Oh wait… that’s not what you meant?
Truth is, many of us don’t even know about the benefits that people are referring to until after marriage. And just like there are benefits to our marriages, there are just as many challenges.
5: You cheat while your spouse is deployed
For those who have experienced this, it’s extremely unfortunate. However, they do not represent the whole of military spouses. Consider this before projecting your perception.
6: You’re a snob because of your spouse’s rank
A couple of our friends joked around when my husband was promoted from being enlisted to being an officer.
“We’ll have to call you ma’am now!”
As spouses, we don’t wear rank, and I’m happy to say that I’ve had military spouse friends from all ranks! They are all down to earth, friendly and have meant a lot to me through the years. I’m happy to know them!
Although we may have to deal with these assumptions from those outside the military life, let’s be sure to NOT project these onto each other.