Just Talk About It: Breaking the Stigma of Discussing Suicide

Around 9% of the world’s population will experience suicide ideation, meaning those people will contemplate suicide at some point in their lives. Recent studies have found that a person dies from suicide every 11 minutes. Here in America, 1.4 million people attempted suicide in 2018 alone. The Center for Disease Control has labeled it the second leading cause of death for those under 35 and a growing health problem.

The military community is a part of these numbers and continues to lose its people, despite policy changes and an increase awareness from the top down. The taboo of discussing suicide and focusing on prevention is becoming a thing of the past.

However, sharing intimate feelings of suicide ideation still remains a highly stigmatized issue.

This can be chalked up to many things. Those who are active duty may fear losing their career if they openly share that they think about ending their lives. Many may have just gotten comfortable going into mental health treatment, if they’ve even made it that far. Admitting that their issues go far beyond experiencing things like depression or anxiety may still be too difficult or fear laden.

One survey found that military spouses didn’t get help because they were unable to find a counselor that understood the military life, didn’t know where to start with services or had fears regarding confidentiality.

Studies have shown that noncombat veterans account for a higher number of suicides than those who have seen combat. The Mayo Clinic states that most suicide thoughts are attributed to feelings of being unable to cope with an overwhelming life situation. Life is stressful and studies have demonstrated the havoc that isolation and lack of support can play in mental health deterioration.

The global COVID-19 pandemic has increased isolation and lack of community support for the world. One article recently published in the Journal of American Medical Association suggested that we may be entering into an even worse era of increasing suicide rates.

For those in the active duty community moving every two to three years, it can be even more challenging and difficult to build a secure support system to navigate life’s stressors on a normal day. Add in social distancing policies or quarantines, those feelings of isolation already felt in the military community may be even more amplified. Having support, especially now – is vitally important. Multiple studies have linked connectedness as a protective factor in preventing suicide.   

Things to know about suicide prevention:

Be engaged

One of the biggest indicators that someone may be contemplating suicide is a shift from unhappiness or depression to absolute calm. Another is putting their affairs in order, as to not be a burden. Although it could appear that they are simply becoming more organized in their lives, witnessing these behaviors in someone who was acting withdrawn or showcasing symptoms of mental illness, seeing a rapid turnabout should alarm you. The American Psychiatric Association website also states to look out for these warning signs as well:

  • Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide
  • Making comments about being hopeless, helpless or worthless
  • Expressions of having no reason for living, no sense of purpose in life, saying things like “It would be better if I wasn’t here” or “I want out.”
  • Increased alcohol and/or drug misuse
  • Withdrawal from friends, family and community
  • Reckless behavior or more risky activities, seemingly without thinking
  • Dramatic mood changes
  • Talking about feeling trapped or being a burden to others

How someone is speaking is indicative of suicide risk as well. Look out for these particular words documented by Psychology Today, which were taken from a study completed in 2018 that found the vocabulary of suicidal individuals to be different and have certain warning words.

Have the tough conversations

One of the most effective things that can be done to combat suicide is to be there. By being someone’s “person” that they can turn to with their deepest feelings as a confidant, you could save their life. The National Institute of Mental Health encourages people to ask the question, as hard as it is: ‘Are you thinking about killing yourself? Then stay with them and even harder, if they say yes and they won’t get help…do it for them. Although this may feel like the ultimate betrayal, it could save their life.

Even clinicians inform their clients at the beginning of therapy that everything they say is confidential – unless they plan to harm themselves or someone else. Then they are mandated to step in to protect the client. Do the same for your circle, their lives are worth more than hurt feelings.

Studies have found that talking about suicide may actually reduce suicidal thoughts. So, have those uncomfortable conversations if you are noticing concerning behaviors. Pay attention to the people around you, even they aren’t your closest friends. Simply seeing someone and acknowledging their pain can ultimately save a life.

Be the difference.

Jessica Manfre, LMSW: Jessica Manfre is an author and freelance writer for multiple publications. She is a licensed social worker, earning her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Central Florida in 2020. She also holds a Bachelor of Science in Psychology from Northwestern State University. Jessica is the co-founder and CFO of Inspire Up, a 501c3 nonprofit promoting global generosity and kindness through education, empowerment, and community building. She is the spouse of an active duty Coast Guardsman and mother of two. When she isn’t working, you can find her reading a good book and drinking too much coffee.
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