By Jessi Beyer
When you think about your spouse’s mental health after they return home from deployment, your greatest concern is probably post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. Regardless of whether your spouse is diagnosed with PTSD or not, they’re still going to need your support as they navigate the transition back home.
That role as a support person isn’t always easy, and it may feel like you’re floundering as you try to figure out the best way to help them. While your efforts may be well-intentioned, saying the wrong thing or pushing too hard can actually cause your spouse to no longer see you as a safe support system. In order to avoid that, let’s discuss some strategies you can use to safely and successfully support your spouse if they’re struggling with their mental health.
Validate Their Emotions
There’s no right or wrong way to feel if you’re struggling with your mental health, but it’s easy to feel like you’re being dramatic or that your emotions are unwarranted. If you hear your spouse is expressing something like this, remind them that whatever they’re feeling is completely okay. Allow them the space to cry, scream, be angry, or be hurt, and never make them feel like they’re overreacting.
Connect Them To Resources
The mental illness stigma in the military is even more severe than among civilians, and unfortunately many service members don’t get the mental health support that they need and deserve. Having the support of a licensed mental health professional is nothing to be ashamed of, and if that’s something that your spouse would be open to, offer to help them find the right therapist or even go check out a facility with them. If your spouse wants professional help but is uncomfortable with talk therapy, look into options like equine-assisted therapy or eco-therapy. These natural and integrative alternatives to talk therapy are powerful additions to the trauma healing journey, and some studies suggest that they’re actually more effective at releasing trauma than talk therapy.
Hold The Space For Them
This is the most effective approach you can take to supporting your spouse, and it’s simply the process of being there. Imagine a dumpster for a moment: it’s dark, it’s smelly, and there’s something sticky dripping just over your left shoulder. For your spouse who’s struggling with their mental health, that dumpster is their life, and they can’t simply hop out whenever they want to. You, though, have the choice to leave whenever you want, but simply choosing to sit in their darkness with them and letting them know that they’re not alone is the most powerful thing you can do.
Regardless of which approach to supporting your spouse you take, remember that it’s not your role to figure out exactly what happened overseas or to fix your spouse; your role is simply to love them and support them in the way they need most.
Jessi Beyer is a speaker, mental health advocate, and the author of How To Heal: A Practical Guide To Nine Natural Therapies You Can Use To Release Your Trauma. Read the first three chapters of her book for free today at jessibeyerinternational.com/chapters.