Most military spouses can remember sharing life-altering news when “You knew what you signed up for!” is said with a mix of oblivious-dismissiveness. Although it might sound like a helpful reminder of your chosen path, it’s often not the whole truth.
The next time someone says this to you, here is how you can reframe your experience for them.
Wedding bells aren’t always rung on military time.
Hearing about whirlwind marriages to be a part of orders abroad can make it seem like everyone feels the pull of the military while sliding on their wedding rings, but not everyone does.
Members like my husband may enlist or go Reserve after being married for a few years. Jobs were tight when we graduated college, so he decided to enlist, taking our vows to a new level as the Air Force stationed us in Hawaii.
Mixed Emotions can co-exist.
Some military members have a higher rate of moves, deployments, or TDY’s than others, depending on their position or career. Erin, an Air Force spouse shares,
“Undoubtedly, the hardest thing is moving. Before my husband decided to move from Guard to Active Duty, we hadn’t moved a lot. Everyone knows military families move, but it’s hard to know the depths and details of that difficulty when you haven’t done it. Even if you are willing, there is still grief that comes from changing everything in your life so often.”
It’s not a regular job.
Active duty member Antony agrees,
“It isn’t a 40 hour a week job once you get past E3. A higher rank brings more work responsibilities. That is not even mentioning the extras one must accomplish to fill the various checkmarks for upwards rank movement with education, tests, and volunteering.”
Invite curious questions.
Not everyone always knows how to respond to military life. Open the conversation by asking them what they’d like to know about your circumstance. Questions can create a dialogue to help you feel supported and heard.
People don’t know what they don’t know, and assumptions can be abundant until they understand your story.
If you and your spouse didn’t know what you signed up for, just imagine how much your family and friends don’t know.
What may seem clear-cut isn’t always, so be generous with those who don’t share your experience and encourage discussion to help create a portrait of your lived military journey.