What You Think About Yourself Matters First. For Real.

If there is anything I have learned in a military marriage, it’s the importance of keeping your identity first. You can’t love anyone, much less your spouse, if you don’t have a solid foundation of who you are. It’s not selfish; it’s healthy. Let the foundation of your marriage be your heart and have your journey be yours while joining it to your spouse’s journey.

It should never become their journey you hitched a ride on. All of us can adapt and make our own way in any circumstance in life. Military life is no different. To clarify, that doesn’t mean a lack of support for your loved ones, but you’d be surprised how much your own solid foundation can do for so many others.

I’m not saying it’s easy to stop, drop and take the time to reflect on yourself, but you really have to start there.

I know you just rolled your eyes at me, but if you can embrace it faster than you fight it, new adventures are sitting right there waiting for you to get to them. I mean, how many times have you looked back at something you stressed over that actually had a positive outcome? Probably many times, right? Your military journey should be the same way.

Adapt, overcome, adjust and then adjust again. Also, the faster you get over the idea of a schedule that will ever be set, the better. That one took me awhile but once you get used to cooking dinner and then get the text they got yanked to the field for two weeks after you just went grocery shopping, buy a freezer. Oh and wine. Wine is a must.

We have an emotional community. Even outside it, everyone is always going through something, right?

Well that holds even stronger in the military. Be nice to each other. No, not everyone is going to be best friends, but be warmer, hold the door longer, help someone with their groceries, say hi at the mailbox.

My organization does “Welcome here” baskets where neighbors nominate their new neighbors to receive them. It makes people feel like warm hugs are waiting for them no matter where they go. Wouldn’t you want to know you had warm hugs waiting for you no matter where you went? We need to work harder to love each other harder. Be a part of that.