By Dana Dreckman
Kathy Belleville vividly remembers the first time she asked for help with her marriage.
After several years of attempting to support her husband Shane, a 16-year Army veteran living with PTSD and numerous visible injuries, the pain and damage to their relationship had become unbearable. So, Kathy made one final plea.
“I reached out to God and said I’m done,” Kathy recalled. “I cannot do this anymore, because we are just hurting each other more than we are helping each other.”
At the beginning of their relationship, Shane was the one lifting up Kathy, who was grieving the loss of her former husband to suicide. Yet as time progressed, Shane’s PTSD intensified, and it became difficult for Kathy to love her husband as she once did.
“Some people lose their loved ones in war, but there are people who come back,” Kathy said. “And they are like living corpses. They are still here, and we never get to truly grieve them, but we lose them. They continue to exist, but they’re in hell.”
Each time Shane lost his temper, Kathy said, he would point to his experiences in the military to defend his outburst. Kathy said she felt her husband continued to get a pass, while she and the family continued to helplessly suffer. The loving, uplifting man who held Kathy’s hair as she vomited following her former husband’s death had become someone who was, unintentionally but unfortunately, the person who was hurting her most.
Kathy said her prayers were answered and her husband finally started to find peace when they connected with Wounded Warrior Project® (WWP). A psychiatrist referred Shane to WWP’s Warrior Care Network®, and the Army veteran completed the two- to three-week intensive outpatient mental health program at Emory Healthcare Veterans Program in Atlanta. Kathy said Shane came home a different man. Subsequently, Shane participated in additional WWP programs, such as Soldier Ride® and events that connected him with other veterans.
While Shane’s journey to recovery continued to unfold, Kathy needed support, too. And like her husband, she found it with WWP. Kathy enrolled in the organization’s free mental health phone support line, WWP Talk.
Kathy connected with WWP staff member Ashlea Wesley, who she spoke to on the phone each week at the same time. In the past, Kathy didn’t discuss her challenges with her family, because she didn’t want them to judge Shane. As a result, she often kept her emotions to herself and felt alone because no one within her inner circle understood her hardships. With Ashlea and the WWP Talk program, Kathy finally found the outlet and support she had been seeking.
“Talking to Ashlea is like having a friend who has no judgment,” Kathy said. “This program has helped me to implement a new way of looking at the situation, and I am trying a new approach with my husband. He notices that I’m not as moody, and he appreciates the way I’m talking to him now.”
Since participating in WWP Talk, Kathy has made significant progress with her relationship with Shane and has been able to focus more on herself through self-care. Specifically, Ashlea noted Kathy has developed new skills to positively communicate in her relationship by understanding communication styles and using active listening skills.
The WWP Talk program provides military spouses like Kathy a safe space to process their emotions, including the difficulties of being in a relationship with a warrior managing PTSD or other invisible wounds of war.
“WWP Talk is especially helpful for spouses like Kathy due to the nature of the program,” Ashlea said. “Twenty minutes is a short but significant length of time that she can build into her busy schedule, and since the support is telephonic, she can easily access the support in between other appointments.”
Through WWP Talk, wounded veterans and family support members like Kathy develop coping skills and a practical plan to work toward goals. The program duration is based on the needs of each warrior or family support member, but it typically lasts six months. Participants in the program learn how to strengthen their resilience, leading to an improved quality of life.
In addition to WWP Talk, Kathy and Shane participated in a WWP couples mental health workshop called Project Odyssey®. During this 12-week mental health program, which kicks off with a multi-day gathering, Kathy and Shane learned skills to strengthen their resilience, psychological well-being, and overall relationship. Through WWP, Kathy has completed an additional 12 weeks of therapy via video chat with a counselor who Kathy said has provided her with “so much hope.” All of these services have helped Kathy and Shane grow as a couple, Shane said.
“Knowing my wife has someone to help her is such a blessing because there are times when I cannot help her even though I want to,” Shane said. “Wounded Warrior Project is able to jump in and take care of her, allowing me time to work on me so that I can help her in the future.”
Kathy is thankful for the support she and Shane have received, and the new relationship they continue to work on today.
“Wounded Warrior Project programs gave me the hope to go on,” Kathy said. “They gave me a life back, and a husband I can love again.”
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About Wounded Warrior Project
Since 2003, Wounded Warrior Project® (WWP) has been meeting the growing needs of warriors, their families, and caregivers – helping them achieve their highest ambition.
The organization serves warriors through programs that assist them with physical and mental health, financial wellness, independence, and connecting them with supportive communities. Warriors never pay a penny for WWP programs – because they paid their dues on the battlefield.
With the support of millions of donors, WWP has provided more than $1.3 billion in lifesaving and life-changing programs and services since 2003, including $285 million in mental health and wellness. Over the past few years, WWP has increased its investment in mental and brain health programming.
The journey for WWP continues until every injured veteran who was once the warrior being carried off the battlefield is empowered to become the warrior who carries others, thus embodying the WWP logo. At WWP, this is known as “living the logo.” For warriors, the logo is an undeniable symbol that reminds them of their resilience – and their passion for continued service.
Learn more about WWP at woundedwarriorproject.org.
Dana Dreckman is the director of WWP Talk. In this role, she is responsible for the leadership, oversight, and direction of the Talk team, as well as strategic program develop.
