A Milspouse's Journey to the Middle East | Military Spouse

When I got the call that I was being invited on the holiday tour to visit the troops with Secretary of Defense Ash Carter, I had a mini panic attack. How do you tell your spouse, a service member, that you have been invited by the highest strategic leader of military defense in the world on his plane for a week to the Middle East? I had some idea that this would change me, but no one could have anticipated to what extent. Military couples tend to accept the gap that exists between them due to unshared experiences during a deployment. At some point and without knowing it, I had stopped trying to understand my husband’s experiences and just accepted that I would never “get it.” (check out the Hangout I did recounting the trip!) Doing my research before the trip, I realized most spouses had also adopted this mindset as part of the deal. I immersed myself into this experience to prove that empathy, the effort of imagining yourself in someone else's shoes, was still powerful enough to change marriage. Refusing to be a tourist, I went in like a mad scientist to understand my husband: why he sometimes misses deployment and why he felt fulfilled there. Maybe I would see the mountains that took the innocence from his eyes and replaced it with a thousand yard stare. He is a better man for it all but perhaps this would give me the perspective I needed to be a better wife.... Day 1. The Air Force in Turkey I had no idea how many mental images I had created that were inaccurate or incomplete based on my husband’s descriptions. I believe I had glazed over when he used to describe deployment and now I hoped no one would do that to me. The rumble of fighter jets taking off from the air base in Turkey loaded with bombs made the front lines seriously real. The adrenaline of the C-17’s take off was exhilarating just like he said. I whispered, “ Who wouldn’t love this job? ” as I looked at the crystal clear green clouds over Saudi Arabia through Night Vision Goggles from the cockpit window. The crew explained what it meant to have a “No Fail Mission.” When they bragged on their wives, it occurred to me we are all part of that mission. Day 2. Baghdad: Perspective Baghdad was truly a vision of the colorless world they call deployment. Seeing endless amounts of gravel and cement that they learn to call home made me appreciate the noise and color of America. Living minimally is important during deployment and it has the potential to build great character in our spouse if we choose to see it. I have been frustrated in the past by my soldier after deployment, but now I see the discipline and endurance he gained because of it. I can now say I’m grateful for this perspective in our family. Day 3. Erbil, Iraq: What I did not know Few things will humble you as a military spouse like sitting among foreign policy and military leaders. The brevity and coordination of the fight against ISIL was increasingly more complicated than I could have known from home. I realized how little I knew about world events and yet it impacts my family daily. Getting to see the tents where our troops slept each night gave me a better picture of what my husband described so many times. Walking on more gravel all day reminded me of how a year of that made him more grateful for something as little as carpet. But had I really “heard” him? Day 4. Forward Operating Base Fenty, Afghanistan It is very difficult for me to describe what it is like to step onto the soil where things changed. After two deployments there, my husband sees life very different than he did when we first married. Seeing the mountains in the distance where many of our own soldiers died was overwhelming. I couldn’t help but think of how many widows and mothers would never be as close as I was to closure. During that deployment, I knew that my service to the families back at home somehow made me feel connected to my husband, like we were a team. On this day, it was apparent how much my husband and I had reversed roles, a team once again. I called him from Afghanistan and woke him up--even spoke with my son while helicopters beat the air in the distance. In my short time with the troops, a few took me under their wings--genuinely excited about a spouse seeing what deployment was like. I never felt unsafe, a true testament to the tight community we live. In many ways, this day filled a hole in my heart I didn’t know was there. Day 5. Charles De Gaulle and the USS Kearsarge So far, I had witnessed the agility and excellence of our Air Force and Army, and on this day, I was moved by our Marine and Navy branches. We so rarely get to see our spouses in action, much less the other branches work together like a well-oiled machine. As sexy as it was to fly in an MH-53 helicopter over Gulf waters and land on both the USS Kearsarge aircraft carrier and theFrench aircraft carrier,Charles de Gaulle, it was equally exciting to watch the crew do what they love. Everyone I ran into seemed to feel fulfilled by being there, while still missing family. They were not miserable and I understood for the first time why. Feeling the excitement with them somehow gave me permission to believe that my spouse could enjoy elements of deployment. Like one General told me while there, “This is a volunteer force, they wouldn’t be here if they didn’t enjoy what they get to do.” No one, not even me, could have anticipated what it would mean to take a spouse, who has supported from a distance for so long, as close as possible to the “front line.” I felt like I carried the weight of so many of you who serve tirelessly at home to somehow answer the why . We have all been affected by war somehow. While there, I somehow made my peace with my role as a military spouse. I made my peace with Afghanistan, too. I forgave it for what it had taken and resolved to take back my ground. I came home with a renewed sense of purpose that I fit into this mission in a crucial way. Who I was at home and in my marriage had a great impact on what happened over there, but more importantly who my spouse was as he walked out the door. Corie made every effort to make you feel you were there with her on the journey. Each day includes a blog with marriage tips and her raw emotional Vlog. Here are three ways you can experience it: Blog: Lifegiver Military Spouse Podcast Blog: www.corieweathers.com Vlog: Youtube Channel: Corie Weathers, LPC Audio: The Lifegiver Military Spouse Podcast (Available on iTunes) Connect with us on Facebook!

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