Editors Note: Due to the language in the cartoon mentioned below, we are not showing it on this page. We have provided a link for you to view it on the creators page if you wish.
Anger, disgust, and frustration were the first emotions that filled my body when I saw the comic on the creators Facebook page. Depicted there were two less than slender “military spouses” angrily demanding the respect of a female Soldier, who is dressed in her BDUs and carrying a heavy backpack. Her answer to the two military spouses is less than pleasant.
I clicked on the picture to take a quick glance at its commentary. It wasn’t good, of course. What bothered me the most was that someone would illustrate such a picture. Why would anyone want to add oil to the fire that exists between some female service members and military spouses? Don’t they know that it is a good idea to keep the peace?
My misgivings about the arguments between service members and military spouses stem from the fact that I’ve been both; I was a Sailor when I met my then soon-to-be Sailor husband.
As an active duty Sailor, I’d been a party to what some sailors have said about some military spouses. At that point in time, I’d not been around any spouses, so I accepted the less-than-kind words as gospel, and probably even passed those words around. Consequently, I stayed away from military spouses. After I married my husband, I stayed even further away from military housing. However, my opinion changed as soon as I met a military spouse at a duty station far from home, and even farther away from my husband. Along with giving me her phone number, her e-mail address, and even her home address, the navy wife provided words of comfort that sustained me through some rough times.
My opinion on military spouses changed quickly after that. No longer did I qualify my military affiliation as solely being a veteran. Being a Navy wife was fine – it was great, actually.
Still, I found myself in situations where I had to defend my fellow military wives against female veteran friends of mine. The qualification “but you’re okay,” was said to me a few times, as I heard them talking about military spouses. This time I stood for them, as I knew the group as I was standing up for. I don’t know if I changed anyone’s mind, but I’m glad I said something. To be honest, I have never had to defend female service members to the Navy wives I’ve met. They’ve all been charitable, polite, respectful, and empathetic to the women who served alongside their husbands.
However, we cannot ignore the fact that opinions are largely formed by personal interactions. There are some military spouses out there who shame their spouse’s uniforms, and everyone else who wears (or has worn) the uniform. Such was the experience of a Navy veteran who used to stand watch as a sentry granting passage to military service members driving on base. At his position, he listened as military spouses angrily ranted at him for not saluting them. He calmly explained that while their active duty spouses wore a uniform they did not, therefore they were not entitled to a military greeting. However, that did not quell their belief that their marriage entitled them to the greetings their husbands were entitled to. Situations like this happened time and time again to the pier sentry. His time in the Navy has ended now, and he uses his art skills as an outlet for unpleasant memories of past exchanges.
David Allen is the artist behind the “respect among women” comic. While I don’t agree with his artwork, I do agree that he has the right to express himself in any medium he prefers. With that in mind, I contacted David Allen to ask him about his artistic choices. Allen was exceedingly polite and forthcoming in answering the questions I posed to him. In the email exchange, I learned that Allen’s position in the Navy put him at the receiving end of very graceless behavior rendered to him by military spouses (noted above). I can understand how those experiences seared themselves into his memory. However, I still am a bit offended at some of his comics as they are, in my opinion, unkind to women.
But something can be taken away from Allen’s comics, I think. We should carefully examine how we come across to others. That could be with the servicemen and women checking IDs at the gate, with the military spouses of our friends, or at military functions we attend with our servicemember.
Maybe, as military spouses, we should even go so far as imagining that our behavior is a uniform of sorts – one that can be easily tainted by rude and tacky behavior. I believe grace in our manners is prudent, because it is clear that there are individuals out there who believe that all military spouses must pay the price for the infractions made by a careless few who have displayed poor behavior. Hopefully, we can prove them wrong… and paint another picture than the one depicted in this viral comic.
Photo Credit: www.photopin.com