5) Instead of judging other women, try to learn from them.
We are given two ears and only one mouth for a reason. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis. When I became a Mom again after 11 years, a lot had changed, and it was overwhelming. At first I thought, “I have done this before, why do I need to change a thing”? But then I started listening to some of the new methods and ideas on parenting. Some were not for me. Others are working nicely for our family. And a few, while not something we chose to embrace completely, have given us insight and we have applied the concepts in some way. I won’t lie and say that I never, ever judge anyone (I am still a flawed human being after all)… but I will say that lately, when I see something I may not agree with at first, I try to listen and see what I can learn.
4) Celebrate our differences.
How boring would life be if we all fit into some cookie cutter mold of the perfect parent, spouse, or friend? YAWN! It’s okay for us all to do things our own way. And I will tell you a secret: It’s even okay for us to acknowledge that we are different than men. It doesn’t make us inferior, it doesn’t mean we aren’t just as capable… it just means that sometimes (like for instance when we are carrying a human being in our uterus for 10 months) we are different. What if we celebrated and took pride in our differences, instead of trying to force everyone to all be the same? How freeing and empowering would that be?!
3) Spend less time trying to fix the world, and more time trying to fix ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of things in this world that need changing. And good people should get out there and make a difference in our communities and make the world a better place. I am a huge advocate of volunteerism and it is an important part of our family life. But we can’t assume that just because we don’t agree with something that it is broken, and yes I realize that it is hard to do. We all think that our way is the best way… or we would be doing it the other way! Instead of expending energy trying to make everyone agree with us, why not spend more energy making ourselves better so that we can make an even bigger contribution to society?
2) Stop getting our feelings hurt.
This is hard for a lot of women, and I will put myself right smack in the middle of the group of people who will cry if you look at us funny. If all I wear everyday are tennis shoes, and a friend makes a comment about how all she will ever wear are sandals… it is really easy to think that she is saying “You are such a heathen for wearing shoes that lace and have a good arch”. The reality is that she probably grew up near the beach and just likes to wear sandals. End of story. There are so many choices for us to make as women and parents. Stay at home, or work outside the home? Cloth diaper, or use disposables? Breast feed, or bottle feed? Why, when someone expresses that they take another path, do we assume they are saying our path is bad? I really envy men in this department. I bet you will never see a group of stay at home Dads engaging in WWIII and ruining friendships over the issue of glass vs. plastic bottles.
1) Refuse to engage in the debate.
Oh how I love a good debate. So I realize that I am preaching to myself here. But we, as women, have to just say “STOP!” when we come across these nasty arguments. It’s okay to discuss the pros and cons of something… but the moment it turns to “You are a terrible parent for allowing your child to sleep in your bed”, or “How does any self-respecting woman leave her kids in daycare every day”, we need to leave the conversation. How many times have you actually ever seen a forum where someone says, “Oh, you know, I was going to home school my children, but since you attacked me personally, I have now decided that you are right, public school is the way to go”? If I share information with someone, but they decide to do it a different way anyway, I need to let it go. There will always be people who just love to fight with one another. But each one of us can make the decision that we are not going to add fuel to the fire any more. It’s really hard to argue with someone who has left the room.
Being a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, entrepreneur, employee and/or parent is hard enough. We shouldn’t make it harder on each other by digging our heels in or fighting over the way others choose to live their lives, support their families, or parent their children.
And I know that there will be things in this essay that may cause a little bit of “discussion”. It’s okay. Like I said, I love a good debate and it really doesn’t bother me if someone disagrees with me.
Let’s just keep it clean.
After all, I am comfy over here in my supportive walking shoes… and even though they would kill my feet, I think you look fantastic in that pair of sexy wedges.
