Friendship-Dating: Why You Should Befriend Fellow MilSpouses

With every PCS, I’m forced to start dating again. Friendship-dating, that is.

Picture this. A speed dating service for military spouses, but instead of looking for a hot date, the service helps us find friends in a new community. Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful idea? What should we call it? www.milspousematch.com or www.militaryharmony.com ?

I just PCS’d – again.

Nothing but boxes and paper and unfinished rooms surround me, my children are bored out of their minds and need more than their mom and Wii to play with.

I don’t know a soul in Ohio.

A few weeks ago, I left the best group of friends and the “Dream Team” of military spouses. Now, I have to start over, again. I’m fantasizing of this imaginary online friendship matching service and if it were real, I would join in a hot second.

Finding and making new friends and re-building my support network after a move is a lot like dating again.

And I HATED the dating scene when I was single.

First, I have to leave the house. New friends are not going to find me while I’m under a ton of cardboard boxes, engulfed in dull brown paper and tripping on random items lying around the house. However, I can’t just wander outside in my ugly yoga pants and torn T-shirt.

No, I actually HAVE to make an effort before I leave the house, because you never know if I might run into a potential friend at Target or the park.

Today is the day, I can’t take it anymore. I need to talk to someone else besides my kids. I put on my cutest “mom” clothes, run a brush through my hair and head out the door with children in tow.

I can do this.

To the park I go, hoping to find a neighbor or another mom to connect with.

I spot someone who has the same age children I have at the park. I take a deep breath, wondering when is the right time to approach her.

What could I ask her to start a conversation?

Maybe she is new, as well?

She could be waiting to find a new bestie, too. I’m so nervous. I frantically review different scenarios and questions in my head, hoping not to sound desperate.

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Stacy Huisman: Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman is an Air Force spouse, writer, mother and advocate within the military spouse community. As a former Parent-to-Parent trainer for Military Child Education Coalition, she led workshops and seminars on many topics related to the education of military-connected students. She is the coauthor with Dr. Amanda Trimillos of Seasons of My Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers (Elva Resa, 2018). In her “other” life, she worked in public affairs and project management for the city of Las Vegas for 14 years. She was the Executive Director for the Las Vegas Centennial. She had a hand in baking the world largest birthday cake, hosting a 100,000 person parade, marrying 100 couples at once, organizing an amazing Red Hot Chili Peppers concert and managing 450 other events, programs and public relations celebrating her hometown birthday! She met her husband while he was stationed at Nellis AFB. She was whisked away on a crazy military spouse journey around the globe and hasn’t looked back since – only forward. Stacy is connected to many aspects of military life. She writes for one of our other Victory Media publications - GI Jobs Magazine - where she features successful transitioned Veterans in the workforce. She continues to write for myriad of websites and blogs, including a mini-think tank she co-founded called Families on the Home Front. Stacy was published in the popular book Stories Around the Table - Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life. She is also a judge for Operation Homefront's Military Child of the Year 2015.
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