My sister and I have never had a problem with it. We accepted mom’s new partner into our lives maybe more easily than we accepted some of dad’s girlfriends. When my father deployed my senior year of high school, she stepped up to help teach me to drive since he couldn’t be there. She was there when mom and I went prom dress shopping and made sure to take pictures we could send to dad in Bahrain. She cooked dinner, helped cover all my books for class, and drove us to band practices. We celebrated holidays together and she is actually the person who took me for my 1st legal drink on my 21st birthday. Our living situation never seemed that weird to us, at least until we had to tell other people.
My best friends in high school were very religious. One had two ministers for parents and the other was a 3-times-a-week church girl. How the heck was I supposed to tell them my mother was gay? This was almost 15 years ago, so even our high school had very few out students “coming out of the closet” and gay marriage wasn’t even a topic for political debate yet. The day I told my best friend was so comically easy it made me wonder why I didn’t say something sooner. I had to tell him my mom would not be at the senior concert and final parade we were marching in. I told him it was because she was going on a trip with her partner. And no, it wasn’t just for their business. It was a couple’s trip, a romantic getaway. I tripped over my words so many times my friend started to laugh. All he could say was, “it’s about time you admitted it!” Apparently they all knew and were just waiting for me to tell them. My sister’s friends had similar reactions when they found out. Though I will say she was much less shy about telling people.
We found out quickly, though, that it wasn’t our peers who had problems with it. It was their parents. My sister had a friend who was no longer allowed to spend the night at our house. I guess her parents thought it was contagious. You know, if “they” sneezed on you then it would make you jump ship and start dating women too. Because you know, my sister and I both did that. Oh wait…
I understand that there are people who use their faith to explain why it’s not ok to accept an alternative lifestyle. But I also know there are far more passages in the Bible about loving and accepting and not judging those who sin differently than you do. Where are the people talking about those passages when all the hate comes out?
So, how did it go when I admitted my big secret at the women’s group and spoke up? Well, a few people told me they would “pray my mother would be changed” and were still very adamant that it’s too wrong to accept. But the majority of the women didn’t look at me any differently. I wasn’t tossed out on my butt. I still lead youth group. I realized I am part of a church that teaches love above all. Something that was very hard to find when I was looking for a home church.
I still defend and stand up for acceptance and embracing differences. My mother says my sister and I are bigger activists on this than she is herself and it’s true. I just can’t sit back and watch hate when all I see it love.
Oh, and for those wondering what my father’s reaction was…well, he’s a confident man. He told my best friend it just meant she couldn’t find a better man to be with after him. How could you not love that sort of reasoning and acceptance?
