Lil’ Worrying Warriors: Anxious Kids and PCS

I’m worried,” whispers the little boy to his mother while he fidgets on a bench behind the playground. My eyes casually roam to where the mother and son closely huddle together.

What are you worried about, honey?” The mom asks in a sweet maternal voice. Waiting for the reply, wondering myself what would make a 10 year-old-looking boy so worried and nervous at a playground. I scan the equipment, park, and street for any danger or looming darkness of the skies. Nothing, it’s a perfect park day. We’re on a military base and the park is open and inviting. The sun is shining and skies are blue. It’s a beautiful day. My kids are the only other children playing and they’re harmless – unless you’re a strawberry cupcake or the ice cream truck.

I lean in a little closer so I hear his response. After kicking a few rocks and shrugging his shoulders, he responds without glancing up.

Everything.”

The anxious military child. I have a name for them – Lil’ Worrying Warriors. I have one and he’s amazing. I understand what “everything” means without him having to explaining it.

Anxiety is part of any childhood, but for children of military families, it can take on a life of it’s own, especially around PCS season. It means a relocation and a change in routine, home, school, and friends. As a parent, we know when something might trigger our Lil Worrying Warriors. We understand our child is different and we’ll make every accommodation to calm them before they reach the storm.

In general, anxiety is a good thing. It’s our body’s natural response to danger or feeling stress. Call it our internal alarm system that allows us to jump out of the way of a car or give us the sense of urgency when there are important events in life. Anxiety affects children in the same way as it affects adults – both physically and emotionally. Children can feel the same “fight or flight” sensation as we do such as heart racing, muscles tense, pupils dilating, sweating and more.

Experts believe anxiety can be genetic or provoked by life experiences. As the saying goes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If a parent or close relative is anxious, a child is more likely to have problems with anxiety. However, life experiences such as bullying at school, a bad experience at the doctors, trouble at home, or things children have witnessed can exaggerate their anxiety.

Anxiety in children can show up in many different ways such as panic attacks, social anxiety, frequent nightmares, excessive worrying, germophobia or fear or insects/animals. The range is as diverse as the children.

Many children can experience an array of anxiety before, during, and after a PCS. Starting a new school is a common fear, but children can associate a new move with the deployment of parent. Anxious children worry about the future, not the present. Experiencing something new and scary, like something as simple as strange weather patterns in a new location, can trigger anxiety.

In school, just saying hello in the halls or raising their hand in class can be a traumatic experience and can interfere with the ability to learn. Remember, anxiety is both physical and emotional. The flight or fight response will kick in for something as minor as being called on to answer a question in class. It can be an exhausting and scary experience for children, especially when they don’t understand what they are feeling.

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Stacy Huisman: Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman is an Air Force spouse, writer, mother and advocate within the military spouse community. As a former Parent-to-Parent trainer for Military Child Education Coalition, she led workshops and seminars on many topics related to the education of military-connected students. She is the coauthor with Dr. Amanda Trimillos of Seasons of My Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers (Elva Resa, 2018). In her “other” life, she worked in public affairs and project management for the city of Las Vegas for 14 years. She was the Executive Director for the Las Vegas Centennial. She had a hand in baking the world largest birthday cake, hosting a 100,000 person parade, marrying 100 couples at once, organizing an amazing Red Hot Chili Peppers concert and managing 450 other events, programs and public relations celebrating her hometown birthday! She met her husband while he was stationed at Nellis AFB. She was whisked away on a crazy military spouse journey around the globe and hasn’t looked back since – only forward. Stacy is connected to many aspects of military life. She writes for one of our other Victory Media publications - GI Jobs Magazine - where she features successful transitioned Veterans in the workforce. She continues to write for myriad of websites and blogs, including a mini-think tank she co-founded called Families on the Home Front. Stacy was published in the popular book Stories Around the Table - Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life. She is also a judge for Operation Homefront's Military Child of the Year 2015.
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