3) Keep them informed.
On that note, keeping your spouse informed of goings on back at home can help them feel more connected to you, as well as your children if you have them. Simple daily updates or notes can keep them up to speed with all that’s happening. While circumstances will change, especially over the course of a long separation, doing your best to stay connected to what’s happening in each other’s lives is so important. One of the things I miss most during separations are the little daily chats and ‘catch up’ time at the end of each day. Figure out a way to keep that going, whether it’s through a quick text or an email or letter they can get to when they have time.
4) Speak well of your spouse.
Will they know what you’re saying about them? Most likely not! Will it affect your mindset toward your loved one? Absolutely! We’ve all met them—spouses who gripe and complain about every little thing, including the person they’re supposed to love most in the world. Don’t be that spouse. A good rule of thumb is to not say something you wouldn’t want them to hear or you wouldn’t want said about you. And it’s been proven in study after study that the more we speak and think positively, the more those traits being to stand out to us regularly. And on the flip side, the more we practice negativity, the more it becomes part of our mindset. Even in the midst of separation, focus on what you love about your spouse, practice positivity and let others know how much your marriage means to you. It will set the tone for when you’re back together.
5) It’s the little things.
It can be difficult to feel part of each other’s world while separated. If you’re going through a cycle of endless TDYs, I feel ya. Be proactive. Tuck a note into luggage, send a quick text saying “I miss you already!” as they head to the airport, remember to check in during the day…these things all mean a lot. Acting glad to have them home, even if it’s just for the quick dump of laundry and head out again type of homecoming, setting aside time for just the two of you…these are building blocks to a better marriage.
None of us are perfect, and I felt so bad about completely forgetting my husband was home that I apologized repeatedly over the next few days. So we move on, and keep doing our best at making this strange animal called military marriage work.
At the end of your years of military service, what kind of marriage do you want to have? Start building toward that today.
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