Age + Speed ≠ Outcome
Jacey Eckhart gives a glimpse inside the answer. A sociologist and military daughter, wife and mom, Eckhart was not convinced that age or the speed of a wedding could determine the outcome of a marriage. Despite the perceived risky circumstances of such nuptials, lasting military marriages were apparent everywhere she looked. So, she set out to understand them and surveyed more than 1,200 active-duty military couples.
The couples in the survey had all been married at least 15 years, and the average age at the time of their wedding was only 22. Their weddings were followed by frequent challenges of deployments, moves (an average of 8.6 per couple) and children.
Despite the odds being stacked against them and an early onslaught of stressors, these couples were happily married, with no indication of dissolution. Eckhart found their marital satisfaction rested largely on a mutual value of the service member’s mission and of the spouse’s structure of their home life.
The majority of service members surveyed viewed military service as a vocation, not a mere job. To them, serving in the military was a “meaningful, socially valuable part of their identity.” Many spouses understood and supported this, knowing it was impossible to separate service members from their sense of duty.
Similarly, the majority of service members expressed immense respect for their spouses’ roles in securing the home front. Service members were frequently gone, so spouses were responsible for maintaining the rhythm of family life.
Service members noted this rhythm was essential to their peace of mind and their ability to navigate frequent change, stress and chaos of their jobs. They found comfort knowing that home was an environment of routine and stability, that they would return to a structured calm of carpools, washing dishes and putting kids to bed.
“They counted on it as the bedrock of their family,” Eckhart says.
