Compromise comes up when it comes to things as simple as date night, too, when you and your spouse are on the opposite ends of the social spectrum. I’m rather outgoing. No, that’s an understatement. I will talk to strangers anywhere and learn the life story of every random person standing in the grocery store line. My husband, on the other hand, would be perfectly content to never have to meet another new person in his life and is happy to spend date night at home on the couch with delivery food every weekend.
Being this opposite has caused a fair share of conversations between us. I get antsy when I have to spend too much time at home. I need to be out, doing things, trying stuff I’ve never tried before. He needs a day of rest that actually includes rest. After a bit of trial and error we have finally found a balance in our lives. I know that if I bother him every single day to run errands with me or go to a new movie or explore the new TopGolf our city just got, then he is going to become resentful quickly of having to do any of it.
However, by reserving Saturdays as our day where date night is a night out of the house we both know I am not going to bother him all week for trivial things and he is not going to pout about going out just once a week. And even when planning date night we take turns so that it’s not always just me dragging him to a roller derby bout because it’s something new. Once a month he takes charge and plans the night out. I know it will include a good meal somewhere, ice cream at our favorite place, and a movie back at home to create the balance we both need in order to make time for each other in our own ways.
Of course there are times when our compromises favor one or the other a bit more. Like recently my husband had been talking about how much he loved having a dog growing up. He was telling me all about how having a dog is a great thing for a family and how it would be a great extra level of protection in our house. I have the worst allergies you could ever imagine. Just walking into an animal shelter to look at a potential pet leaves me reaching for the Benadryl and a shower as soon as I get home. The idea of having a pet that didn’t live in a fish tank was not something I ever thought I would budge on. I even joked that if he got a dog, I got eight weeks of ballroom dancing lessons with him in a real studio. Yet somehow we are now the proud pet parents to a 65-pound pitbull and I’m still waiting on my dance lessons…
I know people assume that compromise means you’re giving up your wants for someone else. Or that neither party is actually happy with the decision made because neither got exactly what they want. If that is how compromise is happening in your marriage I urge you to take another look at the way you are communicating your needs to your spouse.
See if they are actually hearing you, and if you are truly listening to them. Because I believe compromise means doing what is best for the couple, best for the family, without someone feeling like they are always the loser in the conversation. Compromise has led my husband and me to discover new hobbies we enjoy, to revamp our travel plans for the next few years in good ways, and even turned me into a crazy dog mom. And I don’t feel like either of us are missing out on living life our own way by trying to find what works for us as a couple.
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