In this poignant, beautifully written novel, a faithful young Amish widow is reunited with her wayward first love…
As a bishop’s daughter and good Amish mother, widowed Sadie Hochstetler teaches her young son that God blesses those who try their best to please Him. But her brief marriage taught her that life is infinitely more complicated than that. Older, and serious, her late husband seemed a sensible choice—especially compared to Elijah Fisher, the spirited boy with whom she butted heads and hearts. Then Elijah abruptly left for the Englisher world, taking Sadie’s beloved brother along with him—a double betrayal she still strives to forgive. Especially now that Elijah has returned…
Elijah plans to stay in the Amish community only as long as he’s needed, helping his family and working for Sadie’s ailing father. The outside world has changed him, leading him to question rules and restrictions that others take on faith. Once, he’d been head over heels in love with the bishop’s daughter—a girl he was judged unworthy of courting. Nine years have changed so much between them. Yet something remains—a spark that, for all their differences, might light the way home again…
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An excerpt from The Bishop’s Daughter by Patricia Johns
Prologue
A fly bounced against the kitchen window as Sadie Hochstetler hung the gas lantern on a hook in the center of the ceiling. The morning was still dark, the days shortening on this end of August in Morinville, Indiana, but the outdoor early morning chill hadn’t done anything for the kitchen. It was still hot indoors. Sadie was up earlier than she usually rose for the day, and the rest of the family was still asleep—Mamm and Daet, her younger sister Rosmanda, and Sadie’s own three-year-old boy, Samuel, who slept in a little bed beside her own . . . for most of the night. He usually ended up crawling into hers sometime in the darkest hours, and she pretended not to notice.
Her son crawling into her bed couldn’t go on forever. She’d have to put a stop to it. But with her husband, Mervin, passed on, there was that vast empty space of clean white sheet next to her, and a little boy with rosebud lips and wispy blond curls whose daet had died before any of them even knew that Sadie was expecting.
Golden lamplight spilled over the kitchen tabletop that had been scrubbed down to a dull sheen. Sadie pushed open the window, waiting for a moment to see if she’d be rewarded with a puff of breeze. She wasn’t. The fly bounced twice more against the glass, and then escaped.
Sadie opened a cupboard and pulled a stool closer to let her reach the highest shelf. Deep at the back was a small tin box, and this was why she’d come down so early—sacrificing a few more minutes of sleep—to get a peek at the letters from her brother, Absolom, when she could read them alone. He’d been gone from them for nine years now, and she’d been left with only the memories of her brother’s lopsided grin and ready jokes behind Daet’s back. But he’d written over the years—a few times. Not often. Mamm’s letters outlining the church’s reasons for the Ordnung had mostly gone unanswered. Until a few months ago, when his letter arrived in the mailbox at the end of the drive.
Sadie pulled down the tin box and pried it open with a soft creak. She took the top letter, then glanced toward the ceiling, listening. There was still silence from above. She didn’t read these letters often, but some mornings she missed her brother more than others, and she’d come to see his words on paper, as if they could bring him back in some way. She opened the letter and scanned the now-familiar words…
Dear Mamm and Daet,
I know it’s been a long time since I wrote to you, and I wanted to tell you that I haven’t forgotten. I just didn’t know how to answer. But things have changed around here, and I wanted to tell you about it. You should know.
My girlfriend, Sharon, is pregnant. We haven’t been together all that long, but the baby is mine, and I’ve got to stand by her. I’m going to be a daet now. She’s due in August, and I’m real excited. I thought you should know that you’ll have another grandchild.
But this also means I can’t come back and join the church. I’m sure you can see that. Sharon wouldn’t make a good Amish wife. She’s not like our girls. She’s loud and fun and hates rules. It just couldn’t fit, and if I came home, I’d have to come back without her and the baby. I can’t do that. I’ve got to work and support her.
We’ve moved to a different apartment, and we’re living together. So I’m going to give you my address, so you can reach me if you want to. I want to hear from you, but you’ve got to stop asking me to come back. It can’t happen.
I know I’ve disappointed you—especially you, Daet. I know I’m not what you wanted or hoped for in a son, but I’m doing my best here with the Englishers. And I’m okay. You don’t need to worry about that.
I miss you.
Absolom
It had been nine years now since Absolom had left home, and Sadie’s heart still ached at his absence. He’d missed so much—Sadie’s wedding, Samuel’s birth, Mervin’s death…. If he’d stayed, he’d have been married long ago, with a houseful of children and a smiling wife, just like their older brothers had. But he’d given it up for . . . what? A life with the Englishers, out there where the rules no longer applied, and life made no sense.
This being August, Absolom’s child would be born soon. If it hadn’t been born already. Would he write when the baby arrived? Or would he stay silent? Sadie wanted to know about Absolom’s child—if it were a boy or a girl, and if it resembled him at all. But Mamm and Daet hadn’t replied to that letter. It had sounded too final, and perhaps they’d seen the same thing Absolom had talked about—the impossibility of his return. He’d have to walk away from a father’s duties to do so, and while they hadn’t raised him well enough to stay Amish, they’d certainly raised him well enough to stand by his parental responsibilities. For what it was worth.
Sadie refolded the letter and returned it to the pile. She stretched to push the box into the back of the cupboard again just as the floorboards above her head creaked. That would be Mamm and Daet, up for the day. Mamm would join her in the kitchen preparing breakfast, and Daet would go out for morning chores. Rosmanda always had to be woken by Mamm with a tap on her bedroom door, and three-year-old Samuel would sleep another hour before Sadie went to fetch him for breakfast.
Sadie reached for the kindling and bent to start the fire in the belly of the stove. Babies, absent brothers, even dead husbands—they didn’t change anything. The day began the same way, with a fire in the stove and breakfast to cook. Solace was in the work.
Chapter One
Sadie looked out the window, watching as Daet trudged out toward the barn. She smoothed her hands over her apron, but her expression was grim. Daet wasn’t well. He’d been to the doctor in town, and he’d been diagnosed with a heart problem, prescribed several different bottles of medication, and told he needed to take a break. But Amish men didn’t take breaks—they worked, just like the women. Breaks felt sinful somehow, unless it was a Sunday, and Daet was both a farmer and the bishop of their local church. A break from one job meant time for the other. Besides, there were three hundred head of cattle getting ready for market, and the sale of those meat cows was a big chunk of yearly income.
Sadie, Mamm, and Rosmanda worked on breakfast. This was their domain, and while Sadie and Rosmanda had been helping out Daet with the cattle, he didn’t like having them forced into men’s labor. He was hiring a hand, he said. Someone to take care of the extra work until Sadie’s brothers and nephews would come to help with the haying.
“I wonder when Jonathan Yoder and Mary Beiler will finally get married,” Mamm commented.
“They aren’t that serious,” Rosmanda said as she filled a pot with water.
Sadie passed Mamm the corn meal for the fritters they’d soon be frying up. She glanced over at her sister. Rosmanda’s hair was rolled up underneath her white kapp, a single tendril falling loose down her neck.
“They’ve been courting for almost a year,” Sadie said with a short laugh. “That’s serious. Besides, the Beilers planted three extra rows of celery this year . . .”
Celery—the main ingredient for wedding soup. That was as much as Sadie could say without betraying her friendship to Mary. Jonathan had already proposed, and Daet would be announcing their banns in a matter of weeks.
“How many times did Mervin take you home from singing before he proposed?” Rosmanda asked.
“Four,” Sadie replied. “And I knew how to keep a secret until the banns.”
Rosmanda muttered something, and Sadie and her mother exchanged a look. While Mamm patted the corn dough into a soft patty, Sadie tossed some thick lard into the pan where it slowly melted into a puddle. What was with her sister’s moodiness over Jonathan and Mary? Their relationship was well known—those banns wouldn’t exactly be a shock.
“You’re not old enough to worry about eligible bachelors, Rosie,” Sadie teased. “Keep your eyes to the boys your own age. I don’t think Mary will be giving Jonathan up without a fight.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want to have to marry an old man like you did,” Rosmanda snapped, and Sadie froze for a moment, the barb sinking in.
Old man. Yes, she’d thought the same at her age, but at twenty and having the Stoltfuz sisters with their blond hair and sparkling complexions as her competition, she wasn’t in a position to be choosy. Besides, like other farmers, Mervin had been in good shape—long limbs and tight muscle.
“He was a kind husband,” Mamm cut in. “Rosmanda, you could do far worse than a decent man like Mervin.”
“Kind?” Rosmanda turned. “He didn’t leave her anything!”
“He had grown children.” Sadie was tired of explaining this, pretending that it hadn’t cut her as deeply as it had when she’d seen the will. “And he did leave me some money. If he’d known I was pregnant—”
“You were his wife!” Rosmanda shook her head.
There had been a full farm, which he’d left to his youngest son, who’d been working the land with Mervin. The older boys had married and already gotten mortgages for their pieces of land farther away from the family. And then there was the boy who’d opened a woodworking shop in town for the tourists, and made a more regular income than his farming brothers.
“There were other considerations.” His children, who’d never quite accepted her.
“You deserved—” Rosmanda started.
“And you’re questioning a man’s authority,” Mamm snapped. “Watch your mouth, Rosmanda. Your sister married a good man who provided for her comfortably. A young widow can marry again. And a woman who can’t hold her tongue won’t get married at all.”
The thought of another marriage brought a heaviness to Sadie’s chest, though, and it wasn’t rooted in her love for her late husband. She knew how hard marriage was now that she’d experienced it, and a decent man and a woman who could cook might look like a successful match to the outside world, but Sadie had never been lonelier than in her marriage. She’d missed her parents and her sister, and while her husband’s grown children who had stayed in the area were kind to her, there was always an awkward distance. It wasn’t an easy family life to navigate.
“Enjoy this time,” Sadie said. “You’re under your father’s roof, and you’ll miss these days. I guarantee it.”
Even Absolom seemed to miss those simpler days before life became complicated and difficult. These times were not to be taken for granted. And Sadie was keeping her own advice. She couldn’t stay a burden to her parents forever, either, and she knew she’d have to get married again. It was the proper thing to do. But she’d miss this time, this rest between husbands. Maybe the next one could be younger . . . but a younger husband came with younger children from his first marriage, and she’d be raising a houseful of kinner that would never truly see her as their mamm. There’d be sidelong glances and insolent silences—anger at the one person they could blame because everything was heartbreakingly different.
Mamm passed the corn patties, and Sadie slipped them into the pan, the lard popping and spattering. She stepped back to avoid being burned. The women worked in silence for the next few minutes, getting breakfast finished and put on the table. And while she worked, Sadie attempted to tamp down the annoyance she felt toward her sister. So she was the example in life to avoid, was she? She wished she felt more indignant, and a little less exposed. How much had Sadie let slip during her short marriage? How much of her unhappiness had been obvious to others?
They covered the dishes with lids and plates to keep them warm so that Daet would have a hot breakfast when he came back in. Sadie headed upstairs to get Samuel up, relieved to leave her sister behind her for a few minutes. Rosmanda was getting more and more irritable—which was normal enough at her age—but her barbs were too well aimed. Sadie wiped her hands on her apron as she climbed the staircase, and when she opened her bedroom door, she couldn’t help but smile when she saw her son lying spread eagle in the center of her bed, the sheet kicked off so that his little legs were bare to the morning cool.
“Sammie,” she said softly. “It’s time to get up.”
Samuel stirred, then blinked open his eyes. He yawned and blinked a few times more.
“Good morning, sugar,” she said with a smile. “Come on. We’ll get you dressed and wash your face. Are you hungry?”
Samuel nodded. “I want breakfast.”
“Me, too.” She grabbed his clothes that sat folded on a chair, waiting for the day. She peeled off his night shirt and had him dressed in no time. He used the chamber pot—little boys didn’t have the bladder control to make it out to the outhouse. She’d take care of this later when she made beds and cleaned the upstairs.
“Now let’s pray to start the day,” she said, and he obediently clasped his hands together. “Lord, we thank You for this day. Guide our steps and bless our ways. Amen.”
It was a simple prayer, and Samuel liked the rhyming. As a good mother, Sadie taught her son a simple faith—that there was right and there was wrong, and God blessed the righteous. Except Sadie knew that it was infinitely more complicated than that. It was possible to do everything right, to be a pillar of female virtue, and still not earn her own husband’s love . . .
As she and Samuel came downstairs, Daet was just coming in from the mudroom in sock feet. His shoulders were stooped, and he paused at the door to rest against the jamb.
“Benjamin?” Mamm said, hurrying toward him, but he waved her off.
“I’m fine, Sarah. Just a bit tired.” Daet came all the way inside the kitchen and looked at the table with a weary smile. “Now that’s a beautiful sight.”
Rosmanda pulled the lids and plates off the bowls of food, and steam rose from each dish. Samuel crawled up into his booster seat, and he stared hungrily at the corn fritters, his particular favorite. Sammie wouldn’t dare touch the food before they prayed, but she spotted his fingers inching toward the table, and she shot him a warning look. At three, he was old enough to follow the rules.
The family sat around the table, and they bowed their heads in silent prayer. When Daet raised his head, they all followed his example, and the meal began.
“Your mamm and I talked about hiring some help around here,” Daet said, filling his plate with corn fritters, bacon, and fried eggs. “Here, Samuel. A fritter for you.”
Daet dropped a cake in the center of Samuel’s plate, and the boy beamed up at his grandfather.
“You all know what the doctor said,” Daet went on. “So I’ve hired a young man who will be sharing meals with us during the work day, so you’ll be needing to take him into account in the cooking.”
“Who is it, Daet?” Rosmanda asked, her eyes lighting up. She was hoping for someone handsome and close to her age, Sadie knew, and she smothered a smile.
“Elijah Fisher,” he replied.
Silence descended on the table, and Sadie’s heart stalled, then jolted to catch up. Elijah Fisher had been Absolom’s best friend—her best friend. They’d played together as kids, then grown up together. Elijah Fisher had been her first kiss, and many more kisses afterward. He’d been her first love, a part of her coming of age, and in one fell swoop of betrayal, he’d lured Absolom with him to the Englisher world, leaving her behind without even a good-bye.
“But Daet—” Sadie began, sounding more breathless than she intended.
“It’s already done, and your mother was fully in agreement,” Daet replied.
“Mamm?” The sisters turned to their mother, who had just put food into her mouth. She chewed slowly, showing no signs of hurry.
“He’s a part of our community now,” Daet went on. “Coming home again isn’t easy. Some grace is necessary.”
“We are all sinners,” Mamm murmured once she’d swallowed.
Sadie wasn’t in disagreement with the theology here, but she hadn’t forgiven Elijah, either. Elijah had been exciting and daring—an intoxicating combination when she was young and naïve enough to think that nothing could change. She’d felt like his whole world when he’d looked down into her eyes, but his promises that he’d never look at another girl obviously had been nothing more than words, because he’d left, taken Absolom with him, and she’d never heard from him again. As for Absolom, he’d never have gone if it weren’t for Elijah, and then once he was outside of their community, he’d never returned. But Elijah had—a few weeks ago, visibly defiant and still sporting that strange, short-cropped Englisher hairstyle.
And Absolom had stayed away.
“He needs work,” Mamm said. “His parents told us, and it isn’t easy to find a job, especially when he’s been away for so long. We are obliged to care for our neighbors.”
“There aren’t other farms?” Rosmanda asked woodenly.
“When the Lord puts a needy person in our path, He doesn’t ask us to send them to someone else,” Daet said. “We are obliged to help.”
“And your daet needs the help, too,” Mamm reminded them. “You know what the doctor said.”
Sadie put some oatmeal, sugar, and cream into a small bowl for Samuel, and passed it to him with a spoon. Daet had made a decision, and there would be no changing it. This might be her home, but it wasn’t her farm, and she had no right to tell her father how to run it. That was a man’s work, not hers.
And while Elijah Fisher might have been their playmate in years past, he was no longer just a rambunctious boy who liked to fish and run. He was no longer a gangly teen who told her that she was pretty and held her hand when no one else could see. He was now a grown man who’d spent a significant amount of time with Englishers and had lured Absolom away. He was trouble, and Sadie was firmly of the opinion that someone else should give him a job.
But her daet was the bishop, and they must be an example in public forgiveness of the one man who’d caused their deepest grief.
“He’s arriving any time now,” Daet said, pushing back his chair. “So I’d best get out to meet him. He’ll be eating with us for lunch.”
* * *
Elijah followed Bishop Graber from the buggy barn where his horses were now lodged for the day, and toward a farm wagon, already hitched and ready to take them to the cattle barn farther ahead. He glanced around at the familiar farm. Nothing had changed since he’d last been here as a teenager. The last time he’d been on this land, he and Absolom had been sneaking away in the dead of night with bags over their shoulders.
It had been cowardly, and he’d regretted it later. Not the leaving, but the way he’d done it. His parents had deserved a good-bye, and so had Sadie.
Sadie lived with her parents again, too. Now that her husband had died, she’d come back to the family home to raise her son, and he glanced toward the house automatically. Some towels flapped on the clothesline, but that was the only movement.
“I need to ride,” the bishop said, drawing Elijah’s attention back. “My ticker isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do anymore, and it leaves me winded. It’s a blow to a man’s ego when this happens.”
The bishop hoisted himself up onto the wagon bench with a grunt.
“Yah.” Elijah wasn’t sure how to answer that. A blow to the ego—wasn’t that what the Amish aimed to do, crush the ego? They worked as a group, worshiped as a group, disciplined the likes of Elijah and Absolom as a group. Elijah’s father had done what he’d expected—he’d followed the church decrees and had never once gone out to visit his son in the city, to see what had become of him. Not because his daet didn’t love him, but because the community was more important than one rebellious son. Elijah had hated that part of the faith—the pressure to conform—which had been a big push toward his exit from the community. He’d wanted to be more, and that wasn’t lauded here among the plain people.
Elijah hopped up into the front of the wagon next to the older man. The bishop’s face was red splotched, and he breathed shallowly, leaning back like a man who’d run a mile in boots.
“You might as well drive the horses,” the bishop said. “It’ll be part of the job.”
Elijah took the reins, then flicked them to get the horses moving.
“Are you alright?” Elijah asked.
“Fine. Fine. Drive on to the barn.”
Elijah didn’t want this job, but Bishop Graber was offering a fair wage and then some, so he couldn’t be picky. He wouldn’t be back at all if it weren’t for his father’s letter confessing that he couldn’t even afford new rubber boots, let alone the fabric for his mother to make herself a new dress to replace the ones that were so worn, she’d hemmed up the frayed bottoms almost past the length of decency. It was the first letter that had actually sounded like his father’s voice, instead of the constant flood of religious arguments. Elijah had been torn at that point—his daet had never bothered to come see his life in Chicago, and he’d obstinately frozen Elijah out of the family business until he’d had nowhere else to turn. And Elijah was supposed to dump the life he’d been building on his own and return now?
In the end, his duty as his father’s only son had won out. And Elijah didn’t make enough in Chicago as a common laborer with a road works team to both pay his share of the rent with Absolom and send money home. Yet. Absolom and Sharon needed the help in making ends meet, so they’d offered him a bedroom in their apartment. He and Absolom were close to opening their own lawn care and snow removal business, and the prospects were good. But Daet needed help now, so coming back was his only option in the short term. Even so, he wasn’t staying for long.
Abram Fisher, Elijah’s daet, made rolls of barbed-wire fencing to sell to local farmers, as well as pressed nails and spun twine. It was a fine and honorable Amish livelihood, but the Englishers could do it all cheaper and faster, so when Elijah’s father bought a new barbed-wire machine that sped up the process considerably in order to keep himself in the market, that hadn’t gone over well with their plain neighbors. It didn’t take long for the elders and the bishop to come do an inspection. This machine required electricity, and could not be hooked up to a gas engine— and that was a problem. If the Fishers wanted to remain in good standing with the church, the machine had to go. Even if it was Abram’s last hope of competing with the Englishers.
Farmers could use electricity in their barns, but the Fishers couldn’t use it for their machinery in the shop. It was a double standard, and Elijah knew that the elders’ vote was heavily guided by the bishop’s hard-nosed views—and Elijah wasn’t convinced that the bishop didn’t hold a secret grudge against the Fisher family for Elijah’s role in Absolom leaving Morinville.
This job working on the bishop’s farm was a miracle, his mother said. The Lord moving, his father said. Elijah wasn’t so sure about that.
“I’ll need you to help me tend to a lame cow in the barn.” Bishop Graber interrupted his thoughts as they approached the barn. “And there’s the milking to be done every day, filling the feeders in the fields, the watering troughs, mucking out the stalls, tending to the horses . . .” The older man eyed him.
The last time they’d spoken was the day before Elijah and Absolom left Morinville for Chicago. Was he remembering what he’d told Elijah then?
“All right,” Elijah said.
“The pay is fair for the amount of work,” the bishop went on. “But it’s a lot of work. I’ll be doing what I can, but I’ve been ordered to slow down by my doctor.”
The bishop was a relatively wealthy man, owning his farm free and clear. He could afford to hire help, to slow down as the doctor ordered. There were men, like Abram Fisher, who weren’t so blessed.
“I can do the work,” Elijah said. “I’ll need some direction at first, but I’ll pick it up.”
“You’ll do fine,” the bishop said. Elijah reined in the horses at the barn, and the older man turned toward him. “I’ve been meaning to ask . . . have you heard from Absolom?”
When Elijah left for Morinville, Absolom had already moved into a new apartment with Sharon. Moving in. Shacking up. Absolom had been both excited and guilty—a combination that Elijah had gotten used to over the years.
“No. I haven’t.”
The bishop sucked in a breath, and for all his stoic facial expression, Elijah saw deep sadness in the old man’s eyes. He nodded. “Let’s get to work.”
Was that part of why the bishop had searched him out in particular for this job? Because before Elijah left for the city, the bishop had had some pretty strong words for him. Know your place, and stay away from Sadie. You’ll never marry her. I never suspected that you’d be foolish enough to lay a finger on her, but seeing as you are, you are no longer welcome on this farm. Ever. If you step foot on this farm again without my express permission . . . How the bishop ever found out about Elijah and Sadie, he had no idea. The bishop didn’t say—but he also hadn’t been wrong.
And then, after being gone for nine years and back for two weeks, the bishop showed up at his parents’ door and offered him a job. Elijah had assumed it was linked to his father’s financial decline—a guilt offering of some sort—because he had no idea why he’d bring Elijah back to his farm at this point in time. His daughter was single again, after all—and hadn’t their relationship been the original problem? But perhaps the bishop’s guilt was more complicated.
Elijah worked hard all morning, seeing to the cattle, mucking out stalls. He even noticed a calf that didn’t seem to be thriving and might need to be bottle fed. He might
not like the bishop much, but he’d do his job properly. A man wasn’t much if he couldn’t be trusted at the plow. That’s what his daet had always said, anyway.
When lunchtime came around, Elijah was sweaty and hungry, and he drove the wagon back toward the house. He took the horses into the buggy barn to let them rest, cool down, and eat, while he would head to the house to do the same. But his stomach clenched into a nervous knot.
The family would be there. And that included Sadie. She was a boyhood love when he was young enough to think that it was only about the boy and the girl, and the rest of the family didn’t matter. It was laughable now, that level of optimism, and nine years should have been enough to wipe her out of his heart.
When the horses were stabled, he headed over to the house. The side door was open, as if waiting on him, and when he stepped inside, he noticed the bishop had taken off his boots already and gestured toward the kitchen. The smell of beef stew and fragrant bread met his nose, and his stomach rumbled in response.
“A good morning’s work, Elijah,” the bishop said with an encouraging nod. “I’m grateful.”
Elijah didn’t know how to answer that. He was being paid for the privilege. So he opted for silence—an Amish man’s best resort. He bent to take off his boots, and then followed the bishop into the kitchen.
The women were there. He saw the bishop’s wife with her back to them as she bent over the oven to pull out another rack of bread. Rosmanda wouldn’t look at him, but Sadie stared him straight in the face. No Amish bashfulness for her. Her son was at the table, already sitting up on his knees and waiting for the food. He’d heard about the boy’s birth after her husband’s death, and it felt strange to see the kid in person.
“Welcome,” Sarah Graber said, turning toward him with a smile. “Sit, sit. You men need filling and fast. Rosmanda, get the lemonade. They must be parched.”
The girl did as she was told and started filling tin cups, and Sadie pulled the lid off the stew in the center of the table and began dishing up steaming bowls. It smelled delicious, and Elijah didn’t wait upon ceremony. He was here as a hired hand, and lunch was his due. He eased into a chair opposite Samuel, and Rosmanda sat next to him with Sadie across, next to her son.
They bowed their heads in silent prayer, and when the bishop cleared his throat, they all dug in.
“And how did you find the work this morning?” Sarah asked.
“Fine, fine,” Elijah said.
“We’ll need to order more fencing from your daet,” the bishop added. “Remind me to place the order.”
“Yah. He’ll be happy to supply it,” Elijah replied. Orders—that was what his father needed. He glanced toward Sadie to find her glittering eyes fixed on him. She dropped her gaze to her bowl and took another bite.
“How have you been, Sadie?” Elijah asked, looking up from his bowl.
“I’m well.” Her words were overly formal, clipped.
“You look . . . happy.” He couldn’t exactly say what he was thinking—that she looked more than happy, she looked beautiful. The last nine years had refined her, deepened her somehow.
“How is my brother?” she asked, and the table went silent.
“He’s doing pretty well,” Elijah replied, wondering what he could say at this table—what Absolom wouldn’t object to. “He’s excited about the baby.”
He’d have said more if he weren’t surrounded by her family on all sides, and he felt heat creeping up into his face. “A tree fell across the creek,” Elijah added. “Down by the edge of your property.” Down where they used to walk together, where he used to steal kisses. Blast it. He wasn’t trying to remind her of that . . . or was he? He’d only meant to change the subject.
“You were there today?” Sadie asked, and when her gaze flickered up toward him, he could see by the pink in her cheeks that she was remembering the same thing he was.
“Checking on the fence.” A lie. He’d just wanted to see it again, see if anything had changed . . . hoping it hadn’t.
“I haven’t been there since I was a child,” she said, and she looked away from him. A child—she’d been considerably more than that. But she was right that she hadn’t been a woman yet. Neither of them had been old enough for the way they’d felt.
“Yah. Of course. It’s been a long time.”
The bishop cleared his throat loudly, and Sadie nudged a bowl of sliced bread toward Elijah.
“Bread,” she said.
Sarah shot her daughter a look of warning and murmured, “Sadie.”
It had been borderline rude, but at least she’d offered it.
“Thank you,” Elijah said quickly, taking a thick slice of bread and folding it in half to dip into his stew. Back in the day, Sadie had been funny and quick witted, but she was also stubborn as a mule when she got offended, and from what he could see, not a whole lot had changed about her. Even back then, she’d been the bishop’s daughter, haughtily warning the boys when she thought they were overstepping appropriate play. My father, the bishop . . .
Elijah looked across the table at the pale-faced beauty. He held a whole lot against her father, but his issue with Sadie was a different one entirely. She had been fifteen when he left, and by the time she was twenty, she was married to some old man whose best days were behind him. As her father had pointed out, she’d been too good for the likes of Elijah, and he knew for a fact that she’d been worth more than Mervin Hochstetler, too. She didn’t have to throw herself away like that, marry a man old enough to be her father. Whose idea had that been, anyway?
“What?” Sadie asked, meeting his gaze, and he quickly looked away.
“Nothing,” he said. “May I have more stew?”
Sadie rose from her chair to serve two more heaping ladlefuls of stew into his bowl, and in so many ways he could see the youth in her still—the shape of her hands, the glitter in her eye. But he was disappointed to see that she’d never gotten past her cautious ways.
Sadie didn’t take risks; she calculated instead. And by refusing to leap, she’d stayed very firmly on the ground. And he was a man who liked a heart-soaring leap. The sky had always held more for him than the dirt ever had. Even now.
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About Patricia Johns
Patricia Johns is the author of fifteen books published by multiple Harlequin series lines. You can learn more about her at patriciajohnsromance.com.