13 Non-Alcoholic Ways to Mingle at Military Events

Dining Outs, Military Balls, Christmas Dinners… as military spouses we have more opportunities than most to dress up and go out to fancy events without paying thousands for a ticket. However, the good deal on a glamorous date with your husband in his dress uniform can be surprisingly stressful. Several times a year we find ourselves in a room full of people we barely know, but are expected to be friendly with. When you add to that the expectations of a few hundred years of military traditions and protocols, you’ve got a recipe for a lot of stress. It’s a shame to spend so much time picking out our gown, heels, jewelry and hairdo, only to have the glamorous evening tarnished by awkward, anxious social interactions. But it doesn’t have to be that way according to Jane Bresko, Program Manager of Army Family Team Building at Fort Benning, Georgia. “Anxiety is a mind blocker,” she warns. “So do yourself a favor…have a plan,” advises Jane, military wife of twenty-four years and veteran of too many military events to count. Whatever your social anxiety…meeting new people, making small talk, talking to “important” people…you can take control by having a game plan. Here’s the plan: 1. Learn the ABC’s of military life Take advantage of educational classes. They’re free to spouses and every branch of the military offers them. Once you learn some of the military language, social events will automatically go smoother. These classes not only empower you with employment opportunities, financial assistance, relocation guides, and much more, but they also expand your circle of friends. Military events won’t seem so stuffy when you recognize a few familiar faces. 2. Catch their name and remember it If you make the effort to get their name right away, you’ll seem more friendly and it’ll help keep the conversation going. Try to use their name several times in the conversation, “Robyn, did you say you last came from…?” Or “So, Angie, it sounds like your family likes to…” As soon as you can, jot down names (or type them into your phone) along with a memory jog: their hobby, pet name, career choice, etc. Review your list before the next event. Then the next time you see them, you’ll get a warm response when they realize you remembered their name. 3. Be ready to chat Have a few opening lines in mind before you walk in the door…it’ll save you from stumbling around and feeling self-conscious. For example: ”Hi, my name is Melody. I’ve been here a year and most recently came from…” This is the perfect time to pause for their response. When they do respond, you’ll have three different things to talk about: their name, how long they’ve been here, and where they came from. 4. Be Curious The great thing about the military is that everyone has been so many places and done so many things (or they’re just about to), there’s always lots to talk about. Use open-ended questions to get a chat going. “What’s your favorite place you’ve lived, and why?“ Or use a compliment, “I love your shoes. Where’d you get them?” 5. Avoid discussing: religion, politics, and your husband’s rank. They lead to potentially charged, heavy conversations that defeat the purpose of the event, which is to get people to mix and mingle. Instead, focus on family, jobs, hobbies, local restaurants, parks, and activities. If you sense that someone needs to talk about a very personal topic, make a coffee date for the next day. 6. Have an exit plan Here are some ways to avoid getting caught in a conversation that’s lagged or become a marathon. Try to stay in groups of three or more, they’re more energetic and easier to leave with a simple, “Excuse me.” If you find yourself in a one-on-one conversation, try to introduce the other person into another group. That will recharge the conversation or let you make your exit. Here are a few exit lines to keep in mind: “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get a refill” or “Do you happen to know which way to the restroom?” or “I see Meg, over there. I wanted to ask her something before she leaves.” 7. Dress classy, not flashy The goal of military mixers is for everyone to mingle. So don’t single yourself out by skating so close to the dress code that everyone is left wondering what you’re out to prove? If you want to leave an impression, go for a classic look. 8. Don’t be a fashion critic Once you get your look perfected, forget about it for the rest of the evening. You might be tempted to compare yourself to others, but don’t fall for it. It’ll just drive a wedge between you and potential friendships. Find something to compliment and move on to getting to know them. 9. Be yourself You know your personality… you’re probably either a “gabber” or a “listener.” Use that knowledge to mingle. If you’re an introvert, find someone who loves to carry the conversation. Likewise, if you’re an extrovert, find someone who would rather listen and give occasional feedback. 10. Be approachable Smile, make eye contact, give compliments, share your silly mess-ups. 11. Don’t be unapproachable Frown, stare, fold your arms, cross your legs, be on your phone, or half-heartedly listen to conversations. 12. Be in the moment There’s so much to enjoy about military events…the traditions, the ceremony, the food, the live music. It’s something most of the population only hears about, but never gets to be a part of. Take it all in…enjoy the moment. 13. Take the pressure off Remember, it’s not all about you. If fact, since you’re probably not in the receiving line or in charge of the MIA ceremony, you really don’t have much too worry about. So sit back, relax, and have a good time. photo Connect with us on Facebook!

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