Our Better Selves

The recent article, Dear Female Service Member, deeply disturbed me. And I didn’t link to it nor pass it along simply because I would never want my active duty or retiree friends to believe that I or even a majority of military spouses feel this way about them.

But it got me to thinking. Why are we so dedicated to categorizing each other? Why stereotype at all? What is this need to define each other, to feel superior? Many typical military spouse stereotypes (35 negative ones listed here) have been discussed this week, and you can probably add a few of your own to the list.

And while I appreciate the above writer’s honesty and intent, I have to admit that, the longer I considered what she wrote, I was not only disturbed, but appalled. Appalled that, apparently, there are military spouses who talk about and treat female service members in such a derogatory manner. I would like to believe what she described is not so. But I am just as appalled that there are websites and Facebook pages completely devoted to trashing military spouses. (In fact, those infuriate me.) But then I realize I can’t even “go there” without considering the damage we do to each other within our own community.

I wish we didn’t have to have this discussion. I wish the immature, petty behavior would stop. I wish people would take each other at face value and not make generalizations about an entire segment of the population. I wish there wasn’t such nastiness.

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Jen McDonald: Jen McDonald is an experienced editor and longtime writer for both the military spouse and homeschooling worlds. She’s been published in numerous national publications and several books, including Chicken Soup for the Soul. She and her now retired Air Force husband have lived all over the world and have four children, one who is now also serving in the Air Force. The author of the bestselling book You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse and the host of the Milspouse Matters podcast, Jen loves to encourage and connect with other military spouses at jenmcdonald.net, on Facebook at facebook.com/jenmcdonaldwriter, and on Twitter and Instagram as @jenmcdonald88
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