Accept that you can’t keep everything the same
Now, while I am a proponent of maintaining stability, I also realize that we can’t do this in every situation. Some routines will have to change. One example in our family is how, when my husband is home, we don’t socialize much with friends. He has been gone about ½ the year the last 4 years, and when he is actually living under the same roof as the rest of us, we really close ourselves off from the rest of the world. Most free time is spent as a little family unit. We need that time to stay bonded well. We don’t have many commitments in the evenings or weekends, and we try to do what we can to keep time available to just be a family. This could change as the kids get older, but for now it works for us. However, when my husband is gone, I have to be out. If I allow myself too much free time, I start to get depressed and anxious. So my kids have to put up with me scheduling very full weeks. They don’t always love it, but I operate under the assumption that a mentally healthy mother is more important than extra free time in the evenings. The kids prefer it like their dad does, so when he gets home they happily revert to home bodies.
Another example of things that you can’t keep the same are individual personalities, preferences, and maturity levels. I’ve found that most military spouses feel a bit of guilt over the fact that the service members miss so much of their kids’ lives. Unfortunately, this is just part of life in a military family. As parents, we have to realize that our children are bound to change during deployments. This could mean going from crawling to walking for a toddler or for a pre-teen/teenager to go from wearing delicate dresses to dressing like a punk rocker. Some of these changes might be more drastic than others. But it’s impossible to think that things will be exactly the same when your service member returns. It makes it easier during both the deployment and reintegration if you accept the fact that some things change, and realize that so much is beyond your control as a parent or military spouse.
